What's a Goon to a Goblin?

As a pessimist sitting pretty far on the left side of the fence, I'm already getting anxious about the night of Election Day, which, this year falls on November 4. Unless it's very clearly an Obama blow-out, I'll be nervously watching TV all night, anticipating every twitch of Wolf Blitzer's beard



and scanning the map for a way to tip this election in the Democrat's favor.

Really, though, this election could be a resounding victory for Obama. The economy doesn't look like it'll be much better six weeks from now, that fact that Palin doesn't speak to the press will have to start having a negative effect and McCain just does not get it. And when I say it, I mean any number of things. Homeboy is the definition of a puppet candidate. Aside from the Iraq War, which he has always and will always treat like it's an old-school war with battle lines and trenches and mustard gas,



he doesn't have a solid opinion on anything. Barry O could really hammer him on all this during the debates.

But, there's also the possibility that the American masses still don't get it either. They don't care that McCain has absolutely no economic policy or that Palin is a dumber, more tyrannical version of George W. Bush. He's a war hero and she's pretty and she's one of us. Us meaning pro-life stressed-out overworked moms who belive in creationism and love aerial hunting.



I hear that there are several of those out there in this country. So, yeah, maybe the Republican ticket's popularity won't wane over the next month or so.

If that's the case, this will be a damn close election. Everyone who voted for Kerry will vote for Obama and that will leave the same undecideds to account for along with some actual intelligent conservatives, who are pissed-off about eight years of Bush and the cynical headline-grabbing selection of Palin as VP. Basically, if this is the scenario, it'll come down again to Ohio and Florida.

But, lately, a new line of thinking has emerged in the tablet of my mind. Does it really matter?

Our newly socialized financial system will, most likely, be in place long before McCain (or Palin) or Obama take the oath of office in January. Both candidates seem to be supporting it, I think, and the plan seems to be getting an icy reception from both sides of Congress. In any case, any idiot can see that the financial system needs a gigantic overhaul so no matter who wins this election, changes will be going down over the next four years. Even if the economically challenged McCain were to take the office, I have to believe he'll put some people in place that might've taken an economics course or two in college. Right?

On the foreign policy front, we seem to, for now, have hit a bit of a plateau. Sure, McCain said that he wants troops in Iraq for a hundred years and Obama has said he wants to move troops out of there in 60 days, but neither of these plans are really feasible. Both candidates, and both parties, have the utmost respect for General Petraeus and will most likely defer to him on matters on the ground in Mesopatamia.



As long as massive car bombs aren't being detonated daily in Baghdad marketplaces, they'll just be like, "Keep doing what you do, god." In any case, the press won't be reporting on it, so what's the difference?

As far as Afghanistan and Pakistan, both seem to be in agreement that Osama Bin Laden should be arrested and/or killed. Of course, the only problem is that he's been in the Phillipines for the past seven yeras, so we'll never find him. So no real difference on that front.

Russia, North Korea, Iran, these could get a little dicey. McCain probably wants to invade any country that has nukes and is not a "democracy," but, our troops are all tied up suring in Iraq. So, it's not going down like that.

As for Obama, he wants to sit down and talk with these tyrants, which, I think is a noble idea. But I'm not really sure Mahmoud Ahmadinejad or Vladimir Putin really care what some stoner from Hawaii has to say about their nuclear arsenal, so that could be a dead-end, too.

Who the hell am I kidding? This election absoutley does matter. The only problem is that we're most likely screwed in either case. If we're lucky, an Obama administration will bring us right to the brink of catastrophe, while a McCain one will push us right over the edge into the abyss. Or something like Argentina or Italy.