Single Serving: "Swagger Like Us" - T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye West and Lil' Wayne

An MIA sample? Some millitary drums? Jay-Z spitting about skinny jeans and Lil' Wayne rapping in French? Amazing! Where do I sign up?

On the real, though, "Swagger Like Us" is kind of an illusion. It pretends that its the perfect storm of hip-hop circa 2008, appealing to hipsters and thugs, alike, but if you look closer, that's not too much going on.

Jigga kind of mails his verse in, even the auto-tuner can't mask the fact that Kanye still really can't rap and Lil' Wayne really needs a break.

A pre-incarceration T.I. is the real reason to tune in. I've never been the biggest fan of Tip, mainly because I don't speak Atlantatrapalese. But big homey's taken some ennunciation lessons while he's been on home arrest and on "Swagger" he absolutely rips it:

"Verses autobiographical, absolutely classical,
Last thing I'm worried 'bout is what another rapper do,
Ain't nobody hot as me even if they rap they ass off, blast off and have outstanding qualities"

Outstanding qualities, eh? I'm likin' it, T.I. Keep up the good work.

Back to Kanyeezy for a second. The MIA sample is a pretty cute touch and it's always good to have rappers look beyond their genre for inspiration, but, honestly he probably put this beat together in about five minutes. The drum beat and the semi-cheesy/semi-dark keyboard melody have probably been lying around since he appropriated "Jesus Walks" from Rhymefest.

The bigger problem, is, though, what's the point of this record? It's too slow and melancholy to be a club record. It's not hype enough to be a posse cut. And with a chorus that repeats "swagger" about 48 times, the song, not counting T.I.'s turn, is severely lacking in that department.

Just check out some of these boasts:

"Every time I breathe on the track I asthma attack it" - Kanye

What does that even mean? When you have an asthma attack, you're short of breath. Therefore you'd be better off just breathing healthily on the track rather than "asthma attacking" it. It sounds cool, but Kanye's been to college. I expect more from him.

"School of hard knocks, I'm a grad
And that all-blue Yankee is my graduation cap" - Jay-Z

School of hard knocks, Hov? Really? I love ya, Jay, but this is what it's come to? You buy the Nets, marry Beyonce, sell Roc-A-Wear for $100 million and you're still using that lame metaphor and talking about your Yankees hat? And the Yanks aren't even going to the playoffs this year. Can we at least can get a Carlos Delgado reference up in here?



"When it comes to styles I got several
Sharper than a swagger, dagger all metal" - Wayne

Whatever, dude. Go take a time-out for a couple minutes and then just think about that line for a second.

This track is kind of like the U.S. Basketball Team in the 2004 Olympics. You can put as many stars as you want on the floor, but, when there's no cohesion or game plan, you're bound to end up losing to Argentina.

And, yes, T.I. would be Stephon Marbury in that equation.